Another Movie Review you can use: Rise of the Black Bat

ANOTHER MOVIE REVIEW YOU CAN USE

Rise of the Black Bat

Year: 2012 

Directed by: Scott Patrick

Plot (because every movie has to have one!): An experiment gives Tony Quinn (Jody Haucke) the ability to see in the dark like a bat. He takes on the guise of the Black Bat and starts taking down criminals one at a time.

Length: 1 hour 25 minutes (but who counting!!! The camera man. He told his mom he'd have his mom's camcorder back before dinner!! It now 4:30!! Hurries up guys!! Mom gets mad if her stuff ain't back on time!!!)

IMDB Rating: 1.2 outta 10. (What do those bastards know!!! This is film artistry right here!!! Don't listen to those freaks Tom Cat Filmz!! You keep making movies and I'll review em!! Cause that's what I do! I ain't got no life!!!!)

Trailer ---- 

"In a city full of crime...Justice is blind....no more!"

Do you like Batman? Who doesn't! Freaks, that's who! And have I found you a movie that is sooooooo close to Batman you'll swear you're watching a movie, called Rise of the Black Bat.

Get it? Black bat? Yeah, I didn't either but my aunty laughed her ass reading that so, it stays!!

If you're looking for a movie, did we find you one! Greatest acting ever!! And the gun fire special effects you won't believe. It's like, BAM! BOOM!! TAKE THAT EVIL DOERS!!!

If Stan Lee was alive, he'd be in this movie just cause it's that great.

I'm only 10 seconds into the film and already writing this review, the opening "Credit" for the production company probably took half the budget for this entire film.

It's that good.

I'm hoping that the professor at the community college where the director was taking a class and had to make a film gave this film at least a C!

Maybe even a C+

(Don't take my word for it, go check it out right here ----> Click here for Rise of the Black Bat --- Full movie!!!)

Script writer? When you have this much action just in the opening scene, you don't need a script writer, it writes itself!!!

*Steve wanders off to take a pee and never comes back*

"Who going to write the rest of this review?"

"The Shadow knows!!" *Evil laugh*

(I kid, I not sure if Steve comes back or not but the suspense is killing me, almost as much as this movie!! 1 minute 12 seconds in, I'm already peeing my pants. I might have a bladder problem! I should see a doctor!!!)

Okay back to the review, AWESOME FIGHT SCENES EVER!! Anthony Quinn (bahahahahaha) or Tony to his friends is BATMAN!!! (I kid, he Black Bat cause well, he had a cool costume he got from Kmart and welp, Tony wanted to clean up the streets of Gotham. I kid, it's Cleveland.)

KAPOW!! KABOOM!! 

Nobody messes with Anthony Quinn, District Attorney!! BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!!!!

The first gun fight in the movie truly shows the mastery of gun play the director knew was needed in a high paced movie such as this.

You'll swear the bullets are coming right at you.

If this was filmed in 3-D, you'd be dead.

I swear to god, I was like, OMG!!! LOOK OUT TONY!! But Tony is just like the honey badger, and doesn't give a hoot (this is a family blog, no F-words here, you want that, well Mister, you just go right into that bathroom and wash your mind out with soap!!!)

The music production in this film is quite good, setting the tone of the movie, making you want to sit there and watch it cause there's nothing else on TV and your mom blocked out the porn sites with NannyWatch (Thanks Mom!! BAH!!! We're 48!! We've seen a vagina before.....yes on video tape but still.....).

The swell swoop of the trombone and clarity of the snare drums makes me jump every time.

Some folks say this movie is a rip off attempt to make money off of Batman but I disagree and think Batman is an attempt to make money off of Black Bat who apparently I believe could kick Batman squarely in the nuts and win a fight between the two.

Apparently, it is said, Tom Cat Filmz(now swallowed into the larger mass known as Summer Hill Films) is known for making movies that try to fool the viewers into believing they are watching the main line movie they are based off of(instead of Transformers they make a movie titled Beach Babes in Heat Twelve: Transform this Babeeee! ) but with such fine acting that Hollywood big money bags ruin with actual scripts, big name stars, etc. etc.

Who needs that when you got your mom's camcorder and Photoshop.

Jody Haucke more than just stars in this film, he is the film.  Without him, this movie would just plain stink but he rises above it all and dishes out justice with a vengeance!

He also is featured in Jurassic Shark (2012 -- get it? Yeah, again, neither do we!!!) and Attack of the Giant Leeches (2008) and plays as the Sphinx in Avenging Force: The Scarab (2010).

All classics in their own right.

Apparently, the Academy Award has snubbed these films and should feel shame for not at least viewing them and giving a new category for their film awards such as "Best use of your mom's table clothe as a cape in a straight to DVD production" 

Just saying Hollywood!!

You want non-stop action, awesome script, special effects of a cityscape pulling into view as the names of the actors and such appear on it?

Then look no more, you have found your movie!

RISE OF THE BLACK BAT!! You'll pay for the whole seat but you'll only need the edge of it!!

Seriously.

Just the edge as you lean forward and cry into the seat in front of you.

It's that much a heart jerker too.

Seriously.

I cried the entire film.

Well except when I hit pause and went potty.

No cry then.

People get weirded out when you're in the rest room crying, saying it burns, oh god Jesus does it burn!!

You're talking about the acting in the movie you're reviewing but the people outside the stall don't know that's what you're talking about.

I must say the costume design in this movie is above par to even some of the great films of the years.

I expect at least 20 dollars and a trip to Uncle Vin's closet where done.

The scene where Tony brushes his teeth is a prime example. 

Check out the t-shirt!!!

Retro 50s horror right there baby? $9.95 at Kmart....if Kmart still existed!!!

Can I go back to the music?  Every scene is perfectly matched with great music tracks.

Like as Tony sleeps.

Tony sleeps deep.

Quickly too.

The douche creeps closer to sleeping Tony.

Music plays.

Some sounds like it was ripped from Friday the 13th and Titanic but we don't care, it sets the mood, like Jack the Rippers meets the Sound of Music and we are transported to Cleveland, Ohio, 1986.

The age of Jazz!!!

Nice bathroom too.

(We're 19 minutes and 12 seconds into this masterpiece and already I have goosebumps!! Yes, it is kind of chilly here. I need to go put on a jacket.)

SHIT!!!!! Tony!! Put down the gun the guy just snuck into your house and crept upstairs cause he wanted to warn you, about, an impending danger!!! DON'T SHOOT!!!

Anyways, this film is a must see.  Watch it with the lights on.

Our rating - 1 million outta 10. Cause we nice.

What the professor wrote on the final grade paper attached to the film: Needs work. Some potential. C+ for effort.

Come back next time when we review some random film we found pirated on The Internet!! Till next time, I'm Anthony Quinn (but my friends call me Bob) and I'm a movie reviewer at night and a really nice guy!!!